I was traveling in the train one day when I overheard a conversation between two ladies. The topic of discussion was arranged marriages. One of the lady was of the view that guys should be educated, well-earning, having a decent family, rich and providing minimum comfort of at least a 2 bed flat and 1 car to their daughters when they get married. The other lady was much beyond the existing thought. She was saying that the only criterion for marriage is that the guy should be earning well so that the pressure of earning doesn’t fall on the girl.
Listening to the conversation all way, my mind began to wander. What exactly do our parents expect out of an arranged marriage? That their son-in-laws should be princes?
What is the whole system we have made and are a part of? Are marriages made only if the degrees match? Or if the guy is the of the same age as of the girl, but he is expected to earn almost the double of what the girl earns? Does the guy bear value only if it is enhanced by the number of degrees, the number of bedrooms, the number of car he owns?
Why is it in our society that the guys are expected to own a flat at the age of 25 or 26 by undertaking a huge loan liability on their head? Don’t we understand that they are almost kids, just out of their teenage? And when they take the loan liability, little do they know that they have axed their creativity, dream jobs. Now they resemble a man who no longer is capable of taking any risk as he has to house such an enormous loan, he has to provide the best for his kids, wife. Don’t we realize that we have axed the dreams of the guy? The only position which he claims to be is of the sole-provider to his family. He earns respect solely because he earns the money?
I am not contesting the fact by saying that parents should marry their daughters to a pauper, any tom-dick and harry kind of a guy. Or they have to axe their daughters happiness. But can the girls answer this question that why is only a man expected to shoulder the household responsibilities when they are equally qualified? I am ruling out the exceptions here please.
We as educated women need to understand that the guys are as old as us, as educated as us, as ambitious as us. They deserve and stand a chance to be given by us. Of understanding them, of acknowledging them, of loving them. Loving them for what they are. Loving them for the qualities they carry and having trust,faith in their abilities that they shall make a mark in the world.
The women of our previous generation have stood by their men, come what may. Lets take a lesson from them and imbibe their courage if not everything. Let’s accept what has been unaccepted until now.
And to all the guys. Please understand that we leave a house of 25 years to come and stay with you and your family. We are expected to mould ourselves to the mindset which your family carries, the traditions and other values. We survive only on one thing. The love and faith of you in us. If that itself goes berserk, how are we supposed to live and survive? We just expect that we get the same level of freedom of mindset which our parents have provided. Couldn’t we ask this much from you guys?
And then they say marriages are made in heaven and last on earth.
